Many reactions surfaced and oozed out about the kidnapping and murder of Shubham Shirke . TV serials were considered to be responsible for it, complaints regarding the liberal lifestyle were lodged, and the failure of imparting rites was discussed. But in reality, what will be the future of the accused and minor complices? And what is the reason for a child like Shubham Shirke, to sacrifice his life? What will the parents of both feel? What about the shock they have had? are the several questions posed.
The age of a child criminal can be reduced and they may be punished by the law and while doing so, more focus is on the lesion of law and its punishment. But then why did Amit Nair do so? It is an expression which indicates and emphasizes on the mind, that blames the rites of the parents, or their ignorance, luxurious lifestyle seen and observed everywhere in the surroundings, TV serials, broken down generation of youth, corruption, idols of criminals, and the feeling that money is treasure. But what is the truth behind it? Since last couple of years, being a psychologist, many confused teenagers, vagabond boys and girls and their worried parents when come to seek help, then one learns about their factual questions and honest answers to be given.
The most important thing which was noted was that generally these teenager boys and girls up to 10 years of age are obedient and within the control of their parents. But around the age of 11-12 years, the effect of harmones is first noticed. The effect of these changes is observed on all levels like physical, mental, ideological, intellectual, social, cultural, and economical. These teenaged boys-girls mostly are obdurate, rebellious, argumentive, liar, dreaming in their own world, cheaters, lazy, arrogant, ignore their parents, ignore studies , least concerned with the household work, neglect of all the instructions given by their parents, always watch TV, play games on mobiles, send sms, surf the Internet, are more attached with their friends, free to take their decisions regarding birthday celebrations and have fun. Here is where the parents feel it’s a hysterical show of their wards. This is because they feel their children are now beyond their control. These children now become a headache for the parents. Parents do not like this changed behavior of their children. Hence, they consistently instruct them, follow them, spy them, check their books and mobiles, taunt them for their mistakes repeatedly, prove them guilty, ridicule them, compare them with others, and suddenly withdraw their amenities and facilities. This behavior is well justified. They also narrate in presence of others that “We are doing so for your benefit” This is the point where teenagers and parents begin with an inconsistency. The main reason is parents never agree that their children are grown up and in the mean time; children are also puzzled about the behavior of the parents. Most of the teenaged children are not informed and aware of the changes that take place within them. Parents do not accept adolescence and hence they unreasonably expect their children to behave with maturity. For example: a sapling is planted and watered daily till it is a tender plant, its care is taken but when it grows to some extent, one is eager and in a hurry to get the flowers and fruits from it.. Similar is the case of parents.
All these changes stress the children and they can be depressed while coping to all these changes. The entering of a child into his / her adolescence and heartily accepting the changes that arouse due to it is vitally important. But what does accepting adolescence barely mean?
Adolescence means the period of blooming, entering a new world of emotions. Parents, teachers, people in the neighborhood, and the society fail to truly know their emotions, feelings, and understand them. Parents then, hold the rites, lack of discipline, errors in education, disorder in the society responsible for it and under the name of their parents, children are forced to be guilty. The children who commit suicide, their parents are given a dual guilt. Even today parents are blamed. But still the question about who will help the parents that carry the grief of offense of their children and the failure as parents, while living life, remains unanswered.
The accused boy, if by nature is aggressive in personality; in his teenage he would typically have a hero as his idol and behaving like him will not at all be wrong for him. Similarly, teenagers love to imitate in this age and hence find the villain in many violent movies, serials closer to them. Most importantly in this age, economical changes also take place, resulting in to thoughts like suddenly realizing the importance of money, earning more money implies freedom, spending money lavishly. As a result, stealing money, or other articles from the house or away from the house, being ready to perform any stunts for money, urge to argue and fight, animosity among friends, jealously for others is seen. Such emotions, joint decision of the friends and thrill Shubham might have been murdered with unbridled anger or may be intense fear. The children may not be aware of and might have had no idea about the consequences of his death. After this incidence, if we talk to the children, what would be their reaction? The possibility that they would be in a shock, or impact of what they have done, cannot be ruled out.
Hence while understanding these children, the following aspects have to be seriously thought about and it is necessary to put them into practice, to avoid the incidences like Shubham and it will certainly assure us in understanding the young generation.
- While understanding the emotional world of children, it is expected to verify the reason behind the behavior of their wards and parents too must behave accordingly
- It is important to listen to the children without any disturbance. Most of the times, parents do not provide enough scope for their children and react on the partial information they have and start lecturing their teens. This should be avoided
- In this age, children feel comfortable their friends and try to establish a rapport with them. Under such conditions, Parents unknowingly feel that their wards may be alienated from them and hence detach them from their friends. The justification of parents about their behavior adds more horror with the words, “You may fall in to bad company, may fall prey to addiction”. Children take revenge of this in some or the other form.
- All parents and guardians dream that their children study hard, score good marks, have a good career but forcing them to get certain marks, without considering the intelligence is injustice to the teens. Here, trusting the wards and accepting their failure and thus increasing the emotional intelligence is also necessary.
- Many times it is necessary to understand and note that the behavior of boys / girls is due to the hormonal changes. If the need be, parents should read books that guide handling teenagers.
- Most important point is on entering the teens, sexual feelings are aroused, about which parents are massively shocked. Hence they become skeptical about their wards and are always scared that he / she might be a victim of sexual abuse. Particularly, girls face such an injustice and hence they face lot of restrictions, ban and cannot even talk to boys with a free mind.
- In this age, many parents expect their wards to be aware and alert about the career. In this age, parents are totally confused about, what is career? How can it be useful in life? What does the child like? Which career suits him / her? What are the different areas of career? And hence they blame their wards and do injustice to them. Under such circumstances, instead of providing a readymade decision about career, parents should look for the solutions of the above questions, take a help of an expertise to guide their wards.
- Children when under stress or depression convey their feelings through their behavior and it is utmost necessary to observe their behavior. The accused children may possibly have given such a hint. If such a hint is not noted, children may be incautious and may attempt to resolve the stress of their own. This may take them towards addiction and then they might kill someone, in case of one sided love, or kidnap for the sake of money or the extent may be up to do a murder.